Of Spies and Green Beans
by dalekchung
Summary: What is James Barker's (head of MI5) greatest fear? Alex finds out. (Can be related to "Of Spies and Chocolate Bars"; also for one-shot onsie. May be slightly cracky)


**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Alex Rider.**

Of Spies and Green Beans

Alex wasn't very sure what he was doing at Mrs. Jones' office for the third time that day, but he was trying to elude the looming mound of paperwork at his desk. He only thought it was fair to annoy the person who had given it to him.

It was only a little past noon. Alex hadn't eaten yet, but he was planning on sitting his lunch down right in front of Mrs. Jones, chewing obnoxiously loud on his brown rice and green beans.

He _loved_ green beans.

Grinning, Alex entered the room without knocking. It was his usual routine.

"Lunch time!" he called, marching over to Mrs. Jones' desk. Alex didn't miss the annoyed man in the seat before Mrs. Jones, his knuckles whitened as he grasped the arms of his chair.

"Alex," Mrs. Jones warned. Her face was completely devoid of emotion, but Alex had known her for a long time. He could spot the twinkling amusement in her eyes.

The man, a thin, balding guy, sighed irritably, "Is this a common occurrence, Director Jones?"

Alex turned to the man, scrutinizing his face, "Don't I know you?"

"Yes," Mrs. Jones answered for the man, "Director James Barker, MI5, remember? You met a couple months ago."

" _Ooh,"_ Alex nodded before sitting down in the chair next to Barker. He set down his lunch on Mrs. Jones' desk, "How're you doing, Tree-Bark?"

He grinned widely as Barker didn't bother concealing his annoyance, " _Just fine_ , Agent Rider. Director Jones and I have many things to discuss."

Alex shrugged, "So discuss."

Barker looked a Jones, disbelief coloring his expression. If he expected Mrs. Jones to do something, he was sorely mistaken.

"You should know that MI6 doesn't deal with internal af-" Mrs. Jones was interrupted when Alex took off the lid of his lunch. The smell of freshly cooked rice wafted into the air.

" _Mmm..."_ Alex picked up a green bean with his fork. He turned to Barker, holding it up, "Want some, Tree-Bark?"

To his surprise, Barker stood up hastily, backing up at once, "N-no, it's okay."

Alex raised an eyebrow, a mischievous grin making a way onto his face, "No, really!" he stood and approached Barker with the green bean, "I insist!"  
Barker backed up more, his back facing the window, "I don't like green beans-"

" _Nonsense!"_ Alex shook the bean in front of Barker's face as the two of them got even closer to the window.

Barker's eyes darted around as he tried looking for an escape, " _Director Jones!"_

Mrs. Jones merely shrugged, "I told you that we can't loan any agents."

Alex shook the bean some more, "But Tulip! You _always_ lend me out. I'd love working with Director Tree-Bark. We can go out to lunch every day and have green beans an-"

Barker had apparently found an escape route. With practiced fingers, he quickly unlocked the window and slid out, balancing only on the ledge of the window and the open window itself.

"No green beans!" he yelled, panicked. Alex could see the beads of sweat forming on his forehead.

"But I _love_ green beans!" Alex shouted back, sporting a hurt expression. He flourished his bean.

" _GAH!"_

Barker disappeared from sight.

"Did he fall?" Mrs. Jones questioned, looking mildly concerned. It was probably superficial.

Alex crept to the window, still holding his green bean on his fork. No one was on the pavement. He peered to his left, then his right.

"He's hanging from the Union Flag!" Alex laughed, watching as the man somehow climbed up the flag and onto the pole.

"Gee," Mrs. Jones said sarcastically, "Where have I heard that one before?"

Alex stuck his body further out of the window. Taking careful aim, he dislodged the green bean from his fork and launched it at Barker.

A shrill shout informed Alex that he hadn't missed.

He retreated, grabbing his lunch from Mrs. Jones' desk, "I'm going to go talk to Smithers. Your friends are _bo-oring."_

He pranced out the room, humming " _Singin' in the Rain"._

"Oh, Alex?" Mrs. Jones called out, right before he was out of earshot.

Alex stopped, turning and prancing back in.

"Thanks for getting rid of him," she nodded, waving Alex off.

Alex simply nodded, turned, and swaggered out of the room, now humming " _My Favorite Things"._

Oh… _Green beans…_

* * *

 **A/N:** I know. What the actual fox farts (my version of cursing, hem...) did I just write? Well, I'm tired. And I want green beans. Because I like green beans. And I'm going to go to sleep. But I have to get up early to study. LIFE. Okay bye.

-Alice


End file.
